I’ll explain the plot since it’s not finished: so Anna is at her parents house to just visit them over the summer, her father is going to die while she is there, and she is going to send her friend Debra a letter, telling her about it, and saying that she will come back late because of the funeral. Meanwhile Debra her friend reads the letter, but it falls of the balcony, because of the wind, and a stranger picks it up for some reason. this stranger turns out to be Anna’s brother, who hasn’t talked to her in awhile… he is in trouble with his ‘friends’, (this part is a bit unclear for me), they are basically a bunch of trouble makers, they sell drugs for money, make deals like that, so now they are in trouble because they killed someone in a confrontation, while they were making this deal, and now Derek the brother doesn’t what anything to do with them, so he ran away … because they are making threats, that they will blame it all on him since his prints might be on the gun, now he is force to pay them or something like that, and since these guys are paranoid, and afraid that he might turn them in they want to kill him, so in the end I think they will either shoot him or he will shoot one of them and they all get arrested.. I’m not really sure how to end it.
But my question is if the plot sounds logical , and does it make sense, and if not what’s wrong with it. And also if my writing style is engaging and if you have any tips I would really appreciate them, thank you.
Debra was twenty two years old, but she looked as if she was only eighteen. Her thick brown hair was naturally wavy, and her eyes were a mixture of light green and brown. She sat on the couch snuggly wrapped up in a wool blanket, her eyes focusing on the fluttering piece of paper that was pinned between a small stool and a broken coffee cup. The balcony door was opened and a cool breeze circulated around the room. Debra unwrapped herself from the blanket, took the piece of paper from underneath the cup and went out to the balcony. Her eyes began to concentrate on the letter, but as she tried to unfold it, the piece of paper which was now fluttering furiously between her fingers, slipped out of her hand and began to sway out of her reach. She looked down over the balcony to check if there was anybody there, but the only person she could see was a man, who had just turned around the block. Debra quickly put on an old pair of jeans, grabbed her jacket and keys locked the door and walked down the stairs. She went around to the back of the building, from where she could see a little of the concrete that made up her balcony floor. She looked around for the piece of paper that had flown over the balcony a few minutes ago, but she could not see it anywhere. The street was still empty but far off she could see the man in a black jacket disappearing as he turned to the right around the corner of the block, as he did she noticed his fist tightly clenching a piece of white paper. She felt a little rain drop hit the tip of her nose, it was a cloudy day, small drops of rain plummeted down from the thick cloud above her and danced around on the concrete as they fell, ‘why did he take it?”She thought to herself and began to run towards the corner where the man had turned. She saw him enter the convenient store across the street and fallowed him inside. When she walked inside it was already pouring. The man with the black jacket was standing with his back faced towards her; he seemed to be looking at the newspapers in front of him. She eyed him anxiously for a few seconds and then directed her gaze towards the lady standing behind the cash register.
‘May I help you?’ she asked, with a slight indifference in her tone.
‘yea…umm, where do you have coffee?’ Debra got the coffee from the back of the store and walked back in the same direction. She noticed that the man in the black jacket had turned around and was walking towards the cash register. He was buying an umbrella. Debra had no doubt he had the letter from Anna clutched in his hands. But the fact that he had taken it made her reluctant to ask him why. Why would a stranger be interested in this letter, and for what reason had he crumpled it up in a ball?
“excuse me sir?”
“yes?”
“That paper you are holding: I think you picked it up when you were passing my building, it fell from my balcony. It’s a letter from my friend”
“Oh, it is…Do you recognize me by any chance?” he asked curiously, without smiling.
“No…. should I?” Debra asked startled from the unexpected question.
“well, we’ve met before” he said as he cleared his throat “I’m Derek, Anna’s Brother.”
As she skimmed the features of his face she realized that he was not lying. He had the same color hair and eyes as his sister, and somehow his features, although more rugged and
masculine in shape still resembled Anna’s.
The house was separated from the others by an old fashioned fence, which was built so that the neighboring houses could be visible to view. The metal wall adjacent to the street was the tallest; it needed to be repainted since the rust had eaten away almost all of the gray paint that was there when Anna was a young girl. But the flowers were still radiant and alive, they were growing wildly around the borders of the house and the fence. On the right side of the yard was a miniature house, built by her grandfather as a storage room, which was now used as a room.
Anna and grandmother were sitting on the balcony chair and enjoying the breeze. It was almost sunset when they heard wolves howling, distinctly in the silence that surrounded the town. Her grandmother Guliko began to wince out of superstition:
“Ach, they are howling right before sunset!” she said.
“Does that matter?” asked Anna.
“It is a bad sign, Anna. I know from experience that wolves bring bad luck; they always bring death with them.”
Anna didn’t answer her. She didn’t believe in things like that. But she thought there was nothing wrong with believing in God, even when she knew in the back of her mind that he didn’t exist, she chose to believe.
She got up and went over to lean against the railings of the balcony, the breeze was getting colder. She listened thoughtfully to the wolves while perusing the neighboring houses of the town. Most of them were old brick homes built by the villagers themselves, and most households had big yards filled with different plants, some yards were covered by vineyards and others were filled with fruit trees and vegetation. She wondered whether it was someone she knew. Or maybe it was just a stranger, ‘unlikely” she thought to herself. It was a small town; almost everybody knew each other. Maybe it was the crazy woman who lives across the street; everyday she chases at least one kid down the street, with her broom high in the air, complaining about how they keep stealing the peaches from her peach tree, which she never had. Then she remembered her father, who was coughing up blood a month ago… ‘It couldn’t be him, don’t be silly’ she thought angrily.
At that moment she heard the metal door give a loud clang, it pushed opened producing a shrill sound from the rust. It was her father, his back was slightly hunched and his eyes downcast, he was holding a glass bottle in his hand. As he started walking towards the little room in the yard, Anna’s heart began to race; she watched his steps intently and with composure, until the hair on her arms began to stand. She walked down the stairs, slowly with her eyes fixed on the room which her father had entered; a strange feeling came over her, as she realized the significance of her grandmothers words. She knocked on the door, each one was a quiet and hesitant knock, and the door responded with nothing as the silent wind blew against her pale skin. In the distance she could hear a single wolf hauling at the setting sun. She stood there hesitating to knock again. What if she knocked louder this time, would there be an answer? Or would she slam the door opened in paranoia and scream before realizing that her father was just fast asleep? Her muscles contracted from fear and a shiver began from her shoulders to her waist. She twisted the handle of the door, and gave it a push. The door squeaked as it opened, and revealed green flaky wall paper and a small fire place that was radiating orange and red flames from the newly lit fire. A drop of sweat slid down from her forehead, slightly relieved she opened the door wider and peaked into the room. She saw from the corner of her eye her father sitting sleepily on the edge of the hard wooden bed. It was placed across the fireplace under a large dysfunctional clock, whose arrows never managed to move more than once in the day’s duration. His eyes could hardly maintain focus, and as he gazed at the fireplace the shadows around his wrinkled skin danced alongside the flickering flames of the fire.
She slipped away, and made herself comfortable under a neighboring birch tree whose shadow was about to dissipate into the oncoming darkness of dusk. She sat thinking of the letter her father had received from Derek, her youngest brother. Anna used to know him very well only a few years ago. Now she had no clue what he was doing. He use to be quite even in the family; he told her he had secrets that he couldn’t even tell her. But Anna always doubted that they could ever be anything even remotely close to being sinister. She laughed when he said things like that; she always made fun of him. She remembered that he was always kindhearted, more caring than two of her older brothers, but less responsible. But now after two years of not knowing anything about her brother’s life Anna was disappointed to find out that the only letter that her brother had ever sent in the past two years was recently burnt by her own father (or at least that’s what he told her). Nor did she feel satisfied about the fact that her father had began to drink again, and was becoming more and more reluctant to talk to her.
Anna had her own place in the city; there she lived on the twelfth floor of the thirteen floor building with her best friend Debra. Anna had a slight phobia of heights but she was forced to get used to it over the years due an odd discrepancy in price between upper and lower floors of the building. Since the location and rent were so undeniably alluring it would quite frankly be unreasonable even in Anna’s acrophobic mind to refuse to live in the apartment. With Debra’s help she managed to acknowledge the fact that she wouldn’t fall of the building unless there was an earthquake, and decided that the only way she could get over her fear was to ‘fully embrace the danger’ of sitting on the balcony. Now that she was in her old home she felt more at peace, not only because the house was only two floors high but because she had grown up in the village.
From outside she could see her mother turning on the light in the kitchen, and searching the cabinets for some ingredients. She pulled out a plastic bag from the cabinet where she kept her spices and headed for the door. Anna got up from underneath the birch tree, and walked towards the house entrance where the remaining light of the day made it possible for her to be seen. “Where are you going?” Anna asked.
“I’m going next door, Margaret asked me for some herbs” she answered.
‘oh, ok’
“Where is your father?”
“He’s resting in there” she said as she pointed to the tiny room adjacent to the cement pathway that led from the house to the exit door of the fence.
“Why don’t you go inside, it’s getting chilly”
As Anna opened the door of the house she remembered the letter from Derek. He had probably written it to her mother, and somehow her father had found it. Why her father was so upset? she thought to herself.
OMG i absolutely love this idea! It is amazing i think it will be a cute and very sad story for all ages and i would totally read this for sure if you ever go t it published!! I especially like the fact that the stranger that gets the note is the brother i expected it to be like a murderer that goes for the family so omg people are gonna think so maney amazing things and i think it will go far!:)