You need to work on your flow, the narration is a bit choppy and some sentences are phrased awkwardly. (Especially the first two.)

Also, I think some words are misused (or just sound awkward), like the word "insanity" in "instead of drifting gently into mental insanity."

The mom popping in and opening the drapes, giving her cliche advice, and then leaving is a bit odd. It seems too… abrupt.

It seems like an interesting story, and if I were reading it, I would definitely be curious enough to read on.

Keep it up!
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What I wish is that people would stop writing prefaces and prologues and just write the darn story. If you find, after you have written the story, that it would benefit from having a prologue, then go for it.

In your last paragraph, I would cut the word "whatnot." It sounds horrid. I would just have my sentence say "I need to move on and look toward the future.

What I think about this….I think you should start writing the story rather than the preface. Focus your energy where it counts.

One more note: Go through and cut any word or sentence that isn’t necessary. Less is more, especially when writing. You have to say as much as possible using the fewest words you can. This is an example:

I’m thinking back four weeks ago, then even further before that. Back to times when I was a normal person, a warm, happy young lady.

I would change it to:

I think back to four weeks ago when I was a normal person, a warm happy young lady.

It says the same thing your sentences do, but in fewer words.

Good Luck and Happy Writing. =)

EDIT: I was not trying to be mean, only honest. This my friends, is what a real critique looks like, and this is the condensed version. A critique is not "wow, I’m hooked already."
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