A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the lady behind the wheel was knitting!

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"No," the lady yelled back, "It’s a scarf!"

You know when people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?"

Just once I wanted to say, "No, it’s for company!"

What has three teeth and sixty feet?

The front row at a Willy Nelson concert.

Grouchy

When I went to get my driver’s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed.
The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."
The woman beside him peered over his shoulder, then reassured him, "It’s okay. That’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."

What Time is it?

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.
"That is the talking clock", the man replied.
"How’s it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall.

"KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It’s two o’clock in the morning

Funny
I liked the last two best

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It’s two o’clock in the morning!"

tink u r very funny hahahahaha if u have more jokes plz tell me i like it plz now ok i wanna laugh cause today my mood is off and this joke make me laugh but now i am still upset allittle plz

of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom

where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What’s that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How’s it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet,

gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,

"You a~s~s~hole..it’s three-fifteen in the morning!"

1-10 with your best comment!
Sharin’ my smiles..
SmileyCat : )

lol.. your funny. hahaha
hey people dont answer my questions… think they are all shy lol….

‘What’s with that big brass gong?’ one of the guests asked.

‘It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,’ the drunk replied.

‘A talking clock? Seriously?’ asked his astonished friend.

‘Yup,’ replied the drunk.

‘How’s it work?’ the friend asked, squinting at it.

‘Watch,’ the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an
ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, ‘You
a**hole..it’s three-fifteen in the morning!’

LMAO, that’s funny & original thanks for the laugh, have a star.

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It’s two o’clock in the morning!"

wow, it took me 4 minutes then i figure it out. lol very good.

"I’ve just watched this shitty film starring Robert Pattison as Salvador Dali.
It was really, Truly horrible.
Then something really strange happened. One minute I was glued to the screen, fascinated and repulsed by Robert Pattison’s stupid potato face, the next……

Huh? I felt a strange sensation on my left foot. I looked down. A strange, metallic liquid had dribbled onto my middle toe, preceded by an onslaught of more metallic globules landing plip plop onto my foot, raining down rhythmically in succession. A mini metallic shower in my own living room. Perplexed and frightened, I looked up to the ceiling. Oh my god.

The clock screwed onto our wall had doubled in size, and was melting rapidly. I say rapid, but the process seemed to be skewed by a distorment of time itself, appearing both quick and extremely slow at the same time. I ran out into the kitchen. All the clocks were melting, and that strange sense of timelessness was heavy in the air once more.

It was like I was walking through a dream.
The real Savlavor himself suddenly sprouted out of a vase, his limbs stretched back in forth in ryhtm with an unknown beat, and I’d like to say his face was pallid, but I can not truly describe the colour I was faced with at that moment . It was a totally new colour, from a colour wheel unlocked in some dark recess of my brain which had been long forgotten at birth.

Now he stood, very much real and alive, in front of me. The Hollywood hologram vision on the screen behind him seemed laughable now, even more so then this peculiar image before my eyes.

In that bizarre fast-slow motion, Salvador turned to the screen to gaze at Robert Pattison’s stupid foot face. He was staring at his own image, into his second soul (made of play dough, this time).

Salvador turned to face me. He brought out a picture of Cedric Diggory and began to cry.

"Don’t cry Salvador!" I cooed, as he stood there, hunched over the picture (which was old and tatty, evidently it had been brought out many times before).

"Cedric is alive. In our hearts. In here".

I smiled weakly and touched his heart. Then he looked at me in the eyes for the first time. We fell in love and had many deformed 40 feet babies . The end.

This is funny. =)