Perl 1, Plain 1.
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the lady behind the wheel was knitting!
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"No," the lady yelled back, "It’s a scarf!"
You know when people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?"
Just once I wanted to say, "No, it’s for company!"
What has three teeth and sixty feet?
The front row at a Willy Nelson concert.
When I went to get my driver’s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed.
The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."
The woman beside him peered over his shoulder, then reassured him, "It’s okay. That’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
What Time is it?
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.
"That is the talking clock", the man replied.
"How’s it work?" the friend asked.
"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall.
"KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It’s two o’clock in the morning
I liked the last two best